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Racist Guide to people of South Africa

Racist Guide to people of South Africa

Racist Guide to people of South Africa
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BOOK REVIEW:Simon Kilpatrick has written a hugely funny book “The racist guide to the people of South Africa”. He answers questions like What a stressed black looks like? What Afrikaaners do for fun? Why you should never buy a white woman a white gold engagement ring? And why Indian men play sports wearing jeans?  Some excerpts from the chapter about Indians is as follows

  • Simon wonders what made Indians be selected to cut sugar cane..since an average Indian has no muscles…One reason may be ‘cause they are found fasting all the time especially during public holidays ..which makes no sense to the whites since stuff their faces with as much snacks, dessert and drinks  as they can lay their hands on and then lie in bed all day long. Ask any white if they fast, he would laugh and say yes he does between breakfast and lunch.
  • Simon can’t figure out Bollywood films for example – boy meets  girl in a restaurant and professes his undying love for her and starry eyed , they both lean about to begin a passionate kiss. The girl is usually very hot and you have been waiting for 2 hours to see some action, so you are at the edge of your seat .  And then, something completely unexpected happens – the lovers and 80 other patrons of restaurants all spring from their chairs and break into a choreographed song and dance. I mean, really…
  •  Simon hears about Indian style toilet and is fascinated. He things that the Indian style squat toilets are lot better than westernised seat toilets. 1stly, squatting helps the intestine and colon to straighten up allowing the lamb vindaloo you ate last night to find a quicker way out. 2ndly, he find the whole water splashing technique quite refreshing. He loves it so much that he wants to suggest changing all public toilets into Indian style since he recalls the time when some white guy was busy finishing last chapter of Da Vinci Code inside a public toilet- while people stand outside the toilet in a queue holding their stomach. 
  • Simon thinks it’s risky shaking hands with Indians – since they give such limp handshakes that it feels like grabbing a dead fish. Apparently for Indian’s a limp handshake is a sign of respect but it drives Whites crazy.
  •  Simon has a lot of regard for Indian’s sales ability. He thinks if we find an Indian IT guy coming to sort your computer he generally will be able to get the job done. That is the good part – then the IT guy will always say something like this “ I sell flash drives on the side. You interested? I‘ll give you a special price. Only today though” 
  • If you see a group of more than fifty Indian’s don’t assume this is a political or religious gathering. Chances are it’s a family outing…since Indians have large families and love to go out as a group. The main purpose of these picnics appear to be for men to play cricket and women to cook curry together. Despite close proximity to water, the purpose of these outings is not to swim – so swimming costume is seldom taken along with. In fact Indian people are scared of being exposed to too much sunlight because they rather not become any more tanned than they already are. This is called Snow White  complex and its the reason you will always see Indians playing outside with his jeans on – and if he gets hot – jump into water still in his jeans. Whites don’t understand this behaviour.
Racist Guide to people of South Africa
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